The Gift You Can Give the Person Who Has Everything—That Costs You Nothing

Stuck on gift ideas? If you’re unsure what to give someone this year—or if they seem to have everything already—consider giving the gift of being seen. It’s not something you can wrap or order online, but it’s one of the most meaningful gifts we can give. Being seen reminds us we’re not alone, and it often brings something we all need: joy. Even when life unravels, we can help each other find joy through a simple connection.

That’s what Christmas is really about, isn’t it? God became God-with-Us—a baby in a manger, a healer to the broken, a prophet to the prideful, and a servant to sinners—so that hope and peace could be shared with everyone. God became human, lived, died, and rose again so we could know we’re seen, deeply known, and deeply loved. That’s where joy begins.

I’ve always struggled to define or “get” joy. I’ve sat through a lot of sermons distinguishing it from happiness, but Jim Wilder’s explanation has helped me the most: “Joy is not an emotion you can will. Joy is what you feel when someone is glad to be with you.” Let that sink in: joy is relational. It happens when someone notices us—truly sees us—and we know we matter. When I sense God’s face shining on me, joy takes root, even in the hardest seasons.

This year, I’ve held grief and joy together—an unlikely mix. Loss and sadness have been real, but so has joy. People have given me joy when they’ve heard me share my experience, commented on a post, sent a virtual hug, or laughed at the absurdity of it all. Steve, my husband, and I have had more guests in the last 6 months than in the last 8 years. Somehow, this doesn’t seem like a coincidence. I think God knew we needed to be seen, to experience joy in a quality of presence with our guests.

As I think about the last six months, a joy-full highlight was when 12 people, including my friends, husband, mom, and her husband, participated in the Pathways to Peace course I taught online. For four Saturdays in a row, I experienced the opportunity to teach something I care so much about—spiritual formation and compassionate communication. It was such a joy to be seen for the gifts that I have to offer the world at the very time my job was going away. Thanks be to God. And I hope to offer that course again in time.

The seeing and presence I’m talking about doesn’t cost money but requires time and intention. People’s willingness to be with me, to let their faces shine on me, has given me joy in a tough season.

And while this might sound obvious—that we feel joy when we know someone is happy to see us—if you’ve ever experienced someone genuinely being present with you, if you’ve felt seen—you know.

So this Christmas, give the gift that costs you nothing but is worth more than any gift you could give. See the people around you. Remind them they matter. And in doing so, you may find joy showing up for you, too.

Merry Christmas! 🎄